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If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song I'm Going to Take a Nap

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Season 12:

16.Of Course He's Dead - Part Two15.Of Course He's Dead - Part One14.Don't Give a Monkey a Gun13.Boompa Loved His Hookers12.A Beer-Battered Rip-Off11.For Whom the Booty Calls10.Here I Come, Pants!9.Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey8.Family, Bublé, Deep-fried Turkey7.Sex With an Animated Ed Asner6.Alan Shot a Little Girl5.Oontz Oontz Oontz4.Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight3.Glamping in a Yurt2.A Chic Bar in Ibiza1.The Ol' Mexican Spinach

Season 11:

22.Oh, WALD-E, Good Times Ahead21.Dial 1-900-Mix-A-Lot20.Lotta Delis in Little Armenia19.Lan Mao Shi Zai Wuding Shang18.West Side Story17.Welcome Home, Jake16.How to Get Rid of Alan Harper15.Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin14.Three Fingers of Crème de Menthe13.Bite Me, Supreme Court12.Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball.11.Tazed In The Lady Nuts10.On Vodka, on Soda, on Blender, on Mixer!9.Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer8.Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room7.Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie6.Justice In Star-Spangled Hot Pants5.Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 20034.Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank3.This Unblessed Biscuit2.I Think I Banged Lucille Ball1.Nangnangnangnang

Season 10:

23.Cows, Prepare To Be Tipped22.My Bodacious Vidalia21.Another Night With Neil Diamond20.Bazinga! That's From A TV Show19.Big Episode. Someone Stole A Spoon18.The 9:04 From Pemberton17.Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries16.Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby15.Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It14.Run, Steven Staven! Run!13.Grab A Feather And Get In Line12.Welcome to Alancrest11.Give Santa A Tail-Hole10.One Nut Johnson9.I Scream When I Pee8.Something My Gynecologist Said7.Avoid the Chinese Mustard6.Ferrets, Attack!5.That's Not What They Call It In Amsterdam4.You Do Know What The Lollipop Is For3.Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt2.A Big Bag of Dog1.I Changed My Mind About the Milk

Season 9:

24.Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!23.The Straw In My Donut Hole22.Why We Gave Up Women21.Mr. Hose Says 'Yes'20.Grandma's Pie19.Palmdale, Ech18.The War Against Gingivitis17.Not In My Mouth16.Sips, Sonnets And Sodomy15.The Duchess of Dull-In-Sack14.A Possum on Chemo13.Slowly and in a Circular Fashion12.One False Move, Zimbabwe!11.What a Lovely Landing Strip10.A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes9.Frodo's Headshots8.Thank You For The Intercourse7.Those Fancy Japanese Toilets6.The Squat and The Hover5.A Giant Cat Holding a Churro4.Nine Magic Fingers3.Big Girls Don't Throw Food2.People Who Love Peepholes (2)1.Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt (1)

Season 8:

16.That Darn Priest15.Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak14.Lookin' for Japanese Subs13.Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup12.Chocolate Diddlers Or My Puppy's Dead11.Dead From The Waist Down10.Ow, Ow, Don't Stop9.A Good Time in Central Africa8.Springtime On A Stick7.The Crazy Bitch Gazette6.Twanging Your Magic Clanger5.The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel4.Hookers, Hookers, Hookers3.A Pudding-Filled Cactus2.A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer1.Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud

Season 7:

22.This Is Not Gonna End Well21.Gumby with a Pokey20.I Called Him Magoo19.Keith Moon is Vomiting in his Grave18.Ixnay on the Oggie Day17.I Found Your Mustache16.Tinkle Like a Princess15.Aye, Aye, Captain14.Crude and Uncalled For13.Yay, No Polyps!12.Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste11.Warning, It's Dirty10.That's Why They Call It Ball Room9.Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair8.Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.7.Untainted by Filth6.Give Me Your Thumb5.For the Sake of the Child4.Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator3.Mmm, fish. Yum.2.Whipped Unto the Third Generation1.818-jklpuzo

Season 6:

24.Baseball with Better Steroids23.Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth22.Sir Lancelot's Litter Box21.Above Exalted Cyclops20.Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau19.The Two Finger Rule18.My Son's Enormous Head17.The 'Ocu' Or The 'Pado'?16.She'll Still Be Dead At Halftime15.I'd Like to Start With the Cat14.David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie13.I Think You Offended Don12.Thank God for Scoliosis11.The Devil's Lube10.He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited9.The Mooch At The Boo8.Pinocchio's Mouth7.Best H.O. Money Can Buy6.It's Always Nazi Week5.A Jock Strap In Hell4.The Flavin' and the Mavin'3.Damn You, Eggs Benedict2.Pie Hole, Herb1.Taterhead Is Our Love Child

Season 5:

19.Waiting for the Right Snapper18.If My Hole Could Talk17.Fish in a Drawer16.Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty15.Rough Night in Hump Junction14.Winky-Dink Time13.The Soil is Moist12.A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh11.Meander To Your Dander10.Kinda Like Necrophilia9.Tight's Good8.Is There a Mrs. Waffles?7.The Leather Gear Is In The Guest Room6.Help Daddy Find His Toenail5.Putting Swim Fins on a Cat4.City of Great Racks3.Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo2.Media Room Slash Dungeon1.Large Birds, Spiders and Mom

Season 4:

24.Prostitutes and Gelato23.Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-lookin22.Mr. McGlue's Feedbag21.Tucked, Taped & Gorgeous20.Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot (2)19.Smooth as a Ken Doll (1)18.It Never Rains in Hooterville17.I Merely Slept with a Commie16.Young People Have Phlegm Too15.My Damn Stalker14.That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami13.Don't Worry, Speed Racer12.Castrating Sheep in Montana11.Walnuts and Demerol10.Kissing Abraham Lincoln9.Corey's Been Dead for an Hour8.Release the Dogs7.Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head6.Apologies for the Frivolity5.A Live Woman of Proven Fertility4.A Pot Smoking Monkey3.The Sea is a Harsh Mistress2.Who's Vod Kanockers1.Working for Caligula

Season 3:

24.That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite23.Arguments for the Quickie22.Just Once With Aunt Sophie21.And the Plot Moistens20.Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro19.Golly Moses, She's A Muffin18.The Spit-Covered Cobbler17.The Unfortunate Little Schnauser16.Ergo, The Booty Call15.My Tongue is Meat14.Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded13.Humiliation is a Visual Medium12.That Special Tug11.Santa's Village of the Damned10.Something Salted and Twisted9.Madame and Her Special Friend8.That Voodoo That I Do Do7.Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop6.Hi, Mr. Horned One5.We Called It Mr. Pinky4.Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs3.Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark2.Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover1.Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts

Season 2:

24.Does This Smell Funny to You?23.Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab22.That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother21.A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On20.I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey19.A Low, Gutteral Tongue-Flapping Noise18.It Was Mame, Mom17.Woo-Hoo, A Hernia-Exam!16.Can You Eat Human Flesh With Wooden Teeth?15.Smell the Umbrella Stand14.Those Big Pink Things with Coconut13.Zejdz z Moich Wlosów a.k.a. Get Off My Hair12.A Lungful of Alan11.Last Chance to See Those Tattoos10.The Salmon Under My Sweater9.Yes, Monsignor8.Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers7.A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana6.The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance5.Bad News from the Clinic4.Go Get Mommy's Bra3.A Bag Full of Jawea2.Enjoy Those Garlic Balls1.Back Off Mary Poppins

Season 1:

24.Can You Feel My Finger?23.Just Like Buffalo22.My Doctor has a Cow Puppet21.No Sniffing, No Wowing20.Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark19.I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You18.An Old Flame With a New Wick17.Ate The Hamburgers, Wearing The Hats16.That Was Saliva, Alan (2)15.Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick (1)14.I Can't Afford Hyenas13.Sarah Like Puny Alan12.Camel Filters + Pheromones11.Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor10.Merry Thanksgiving9.Phase One, Complete8.Twenty-Five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful7.If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake6.Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?5.The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump4.If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song I'm Going to Take a Nap3.Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell2.Big Flappy Bastards1.Pilot

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